The Meltdown

Well, I had a meltdown yesterday morning.  Work stress caught up with me and I haven't been eating quite as well this last week or two.  I was having one of those mornings where I felt fat and gross and I couldn't find anything to wear that would hide my little belly.  I ended up crying and begging my husband not to make me go to work.  After a minute, I got up, found something to wear (my husband earns points for telling me how cute I looked), and went to work.

I was frustrated because I've been working out for two months (marathon training for 1 1/2 months) and I don't feel like I'm making much progress weight wise.  However, I have to keep reminding myself of several things:

1. My goal isn't to lose weight fast.  While that would be nice, I'm looking for a sustainable lifestyle change.  While I'm trying to eat well, I'm definitely not counting calories.  That is not something I can maintain.  I know that slow, but consistent progress will make it easier for me to maintain throughout my life and keep the weight off.  In college, I lost 20 pounds over the course of a year.  While many consider that slow progress, I was able to remain the same weight for 7 years without regular exercise or counting calories.

2. I put on muscle very quickly.  I know that I am gaining muscle faster than I am losing fat.  This causes me to remain about the same size (or maybe even get bigger temporarily), but eventually things will turn around and I will lose the fat and turn to muscle.  Again, this has happened before, so I have no reason to believe that it will not happen again.

3. I am losing fat, but maybe not in the places I'd like.  I've noticed that my face seems thinner, as does my rib cage.  While I'd like to lose weight in my legs and tummy, those are the first places I put weight on.  I've always heard that the first places you gain weight are the last places you lose it.  So I'll have to keep working hard if I want my tummy and legs to shrink.

4. I'd rather be strong than skinny!  I have always wanted to be bad ass and strong.  I am lucky and thankful that I can build muscle quickly and easily.  I don't want to be thin and frail and I've accepted that I have to work hard to be strong, so that is what I will do.

I'm not going to let myself get discouraged.  I will keep going and try to stay positive.  I cheered myself up yesterday by buying a new book, a new running outfit, and two chocolate salted caramels.  I'm trying not to let myself eat emotionally because that is what causes me to gain weight, but I figure a couple of gourmet chocolates was better than a bag of chips or a piece of cheesecake.

I went running in the rain this evening and feel great!  I'm still motivated and excited about improving life.  This weekend, I will be researching half-marathons for this fall.  It will be a good motivating event, as well as helping to keep me on track for my marathon in the spring.

Cheers!
Ashley