Running Away From Colds and Excuses

Well, I'm one month into the school year and, overall, things are going pretty well.  I haven't been running as much as I'd like because the germy little 5th graders gave me a cold...sigh...however, I rocked my 10k last Saturday WITH a cold.  It is the first time I've raced a 10k and it was a challenging and hilly course.  I managed to pull off 1:14:18!  I was planning on averaging a 12:30ish pace and came in under 12.  I am so thrilled!  I even took a couple of short walking breaks up some of the hills and it is still my fastest 10k time yet (at least, during this round of being active).  Until last weekend, I didn't understand how someone could run/walk at about the same pace someone else runs, however, now I see that it can work if you take short walking breaks.  It gives your body a chance to rest and let's you run faster when you do run.  There were a few people who kept pace with me for most of the race even though they walked more than I did.  This will be valuable knowledge for my longer races.

I was very close to skipping the race altogether.  My head was trying to tell me to give in to my cold and to curl up on the couch all day.  But, I decided that I wanted to earn my race shirt.  I decided that it would feel weird to wear it without actually participating in the race, like I cheated or something.  I finally convinced myself to go.  I told myself that since I only lived 1 block off of the course a little over mile 1 (and just before mile 5, as it was out and back), I could always drop out if I felt too sick.  However, I felt so much better once I began running that I just kept going.  I did end up getting sicker and missing work on Monday, but it was so worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat!  I knew that if I let my head talk me out of my third ever race, I would set and evil precedent and probably try to convince myself to skip future, more important races, which would ultimately lead me to give up on running altogether.

I tried to run a couple of days ago.  I felt fantastic!  I was energetic and light on my feet, BUT...my lungs wouldn't let me fly for more than a few minutes.  Once I started coughing, I couldn't stop.  This is the stage where my exercise routine usually ceases to exist.  I get sick and have to take a week or two off.  I fear that exercising too soon will make me sicker and it is really difficult to take a sick day when you're a teacher.  During this time off, I lose fitness and then get frustrated when I can't run as far or as fast as I could before.  Wednesday's run attempt was me defying this habit.  I'm determined not to let this setback stop me this time.  I am so tired of giving up and having to start over.  I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP!  I will try again tomorrow and see how my run goes.  I'm supposed to do another 6-miler this weekend, but I know that won't happen and that's ok.  I'm hoping for 2 miles tomorrow and 3 on Sunday.  Hopefully, next week I'll be able to work back up to my regularly scheduled long run.  But if I can't, that's ok too, just as long as I don't quit.  NOT THIS TIME!

I've realized that I love being a runner!  I finally feel like I am becoming the person I've always wanted to be.  Tonight, I registered for my first Half-Marathon!  I will be running in my hometown, on very familiar paths, the weekend before Thanksgiving.  I'm so excited!  The general plan is to cut back my mileage for a few weeks after that and then dive into my marathon training schedule in mid-December.  I don't have my actual marathon picked out yet, though.  I'm waiting for one to get approved to begin registration.  I also have a couple of backups if this one doesn't go through.  The general idea is to run my full marathon in late April or early May.  For me, this is the perfect time of the year.  I love cool, cloudy weather and that is usually what we have here in Oregon during that time frame.  I'm not a warm weather kind of gal in any situation.  I can tolerate it to some extent, but I do not enjoy it.  :)  Plus, I recently became a Swirlgear Ambassador and I have some cute long sleeve shirts/jackets on the way.  I'm so excited to have some nice quality running clothes for this rainy Oregon weather.  Click on the badge below to learn about this company.  I'll let you know what I think of the clothes when they get here.  I'm just so excited that, of all of the running pages out there, they happened to find my little one and liked it enough to include me in their group.

This girl is ecstatic that the rain is finally here!  I've been feeling all dried out for months.  We are supposed to get a storm this weekend, but I plan to fit my runs in anyway.  Running in the rain makes this pluviophile one happy girl.

Cheers for now, Run Lovers!
Ashley

Back to Work

Ok, so my summer has ended and I'm back to work.  Last week was Inservice and the kids come back tomorrow.  I have always had a difficult time maintaining an exercise routine when my schedule changes.  In college, I was thrown off every term or whenever I got a new job, my work schedule changed, or I got sick.  Work and school always came first.  This year, I'm determined to keep up my running schedule.  It will be my main priority once the kids leave my classroom.  I honestly believe I can do it this time for many reasons:

1. I'm still very focused on running a spring marathon.
2. I have a running schedule set to take me through to my first 1/2 marathon at the end of November.
3. I'm so tired of quitting and having to start over.
4. I'm finally noticing changes, both physically and mentally, and I like them and don't want to lose them.
5. My district is trying to improve employee wellness and health, so exercising is encouraged.
6. I'm looking forward to running in the rain again! (I'm a true Oregonian!)
7. I'm learning how to flex my running schedule to fit into my life schedule.
8. I love the person I am becoming.
9. I feel like I have a purpose.
10. I WANT to keep running!

So that's an even 10 reasons.  There are probably more, but the point is that I'm going to do what I can to keep my momentum going.  I do worry about getting sick and missing runs, but hopefully nothing too bad will develop and I'll be able to keep running.  I've been running for about 5 months now.  I think this is the longest stretch of continuous exercise I've maintained since college.  August has been my best month so far!  Last spring, I discovered that it worked well for me to run at 4 in the town in which I work.  That gives me time for a snack when the kids leave and then I can drive home when I'm done and be able to worry about home stuff when I get there.  My running bag went with me all last week and will remain in my car so that I can run whenever I have time.  The biggest challenge this year is that my husband now works at my school, so he'll have to wait for me to finish running before we can go home and no one will be home earlier to let the dogs outside.  I don't think it'll be too big of an issue, though.  He's also started running again with our big dog, so we may come home in time to run with the dogs.  We'll see.

I took this little monster running with me yesterday.

 This is Steve.  He used to run with me years ago, but lately I haven't been taking him.  He pulls and that worried me since I had knee issues earlier this year.  Also, I constantly seem to run into loose dogs.  Most of them are friendly, but my little Stevie is overly protective of me and has been known to try to pick fights with other dogs.  I worry about his aggression causing an unsafe situation.  I read about some spray citronella (or something) stuff that will deter dogs.  I may look into purchasing some of that.  I know Stevie needs more exercise and he gets very sad when my husband takes our big dog running with him, so I think it is worth it to take him with me.  He could also stand to lose a couple of pounds.  

Yesterday, Stevie did very well.  I am so happy with him!  Since it was my short run (3 miles.  It's strange that that seems like a short run now!), I decided he'd be able to make it that far without too much trouble.  He calmed down a lot about halfway through.  We had to pause a couple of times at the park so he could cool down by swimming in the pond.  I'm going to try to take him with me a few times a week.  Hopefully, when I hit my really long runs, my husband and both dogs will be able to come with me.  I will feel safer that way.

Another important milestone of this week is that I hit 5 miles for my long run!  Yay!  The great thing is that it wasn't that hard.  I didn't worry too much about my pace and just focused on running slow and steady.  I don't want to say it was easy because that would mean I wasn't going fast enough, but I still had energy at the end.  Everything I've read says to take the long runs slowly to avoid injury, so that's what I'm doing.  I'm feeling very optimistic about my running goals.  It's going to be a great year!

Cheers!
Ashley

Oh God, What Am I Doing?!

I just finished watching Spirit of the Marathon, and I can't help thinking, "What the hell am I doing?!"  It just hit me all of a sudden: 26.2 MILES!!!  That is 4/10 of a mile FARTHER than my commute to work.  Holy cow!  It seems so unreachable right now and I'm feeling immensely overwhelmed.  The movie actually brought me to tears.  I think it is because I really want to do this, but I'm feeling like I can't.  I feel that I am not dedicated or strong enough.  I want, so badly, to do something incredible, something that most people can't do.  I want to be different.  I know that if I can run a marathon, I can do anything, but now I'm starting to have doubts.  This is the first time I've really been doubting myself.  I know I'm in this alone.  I don't have friends to run with.  Our small town doesn't really have any running clubs and the few people I know who run are a lot faster than I am and not crazy enough to run a marathon.  Can I really run 20 mile training runs by myself?

I'm still not giving up despite these overwhelming feelings.  I'm not going to think about the overall distance.  I'm going to take it one mile and one run at a time.  Sure, I'm not ready to run 26.2 miles yet, but I'm still working up to 5.  It will take time.  I have time.  I'm tired of giving up on things.  I'm not going to quit.  I'm going to stop thinking about how far a marathon actually is and how long it will take me to run it.  Rather, I'm going to remind myself of how much I love running, how it makes me feel about myself, and how it has changed me in the last few months since I started.  I'm going to banish the negative thoughts and focus on where I am and where I want to be.  "Marathon" is a lot less scary than "26.2 miles," so I'm not going to think about the miles.

-Ashley

The Show Must Go On: Vacation and Disappointment

Vacation

So, life has been a bit chaotic these last couple of months.  June brought the end of the school year and we quickly followed that with a 10 day road trip to see some friends and family.  I got two runs in while on that trip, along with many walks and hikes.  I had hoped to run more, but the heat made that extremely difficult.  Living on the coast, I am definitely not used to weather above 70 degrees.  The 90+ degree weather in Utah and Colorado was unbearable, at times.  Once we returned home, we packed like crazy and moved.  I didn't run at all that week...ugh...I was feeling very unmotivated and so I gave myself a break.  At the end of July, we spent another 11 days away from home with family.  I did much better on this trip.  I completed every run that I scheduled!  I didn't let myself see these runs as being optional.  I didn't give myself a choice.  This made it easier for me to get up early and run.  I'm so proud of myself!   Usually, I use vacation as an excuse to sleep in and be lazy, but not this time.

Disappointment

Last week, I got some disappointing news...the 2014 Eugene Marathon has been scheduled for July 27th.  Ugh!  I'm really not happy about this!  I was looking forward to running my first marathon in the city in which I spent most of my life.  I know the terrain.  I am comfortable in the environment.  Most of my friends and family live there and would be able to come support me.  There are so many great reasons to run the Eugene Marathon, however, I am not going to be running my first marathon in July for several other reasons:

1. It starts at 6 am.  The idea is that the average temp in July at 6 am is 52ish degrees.  While this may be ideal running weather, by 9 am, it could easily be 80 degrees or more.  I'm sure it'll take me 4 1/2 hours or so to finish and there is too much potential for it to be super hot by the end of the race.  It will already take everything out of me to finish, I don't want to add heat on top of everything else.

2.  I need at least 2 hours for my body to wake up in the morning before I can run.  This would put me at a 4 am wake up, which is ridiculous when I probably won't sleep well the night before and will be running 26.2 miles.

3. My training will be more intense at the end of the school year.  Any teacher will tell you that the first two months and the last two months of the school year are the busiest and most stressful.  I would rather have my marathon finished by the time I hit intensive state testing and end of the year stuff.

4. The heat!  Ugh!  I will be training on the coast, where it rarely hits 70 degrees...EVER... I will be ill prepared to run in 80 or 90+ degree weather.  65 degrees on a sunny day feels hot for me.  I know the Willamette Valley in July.  It. Gets. Hot!  I dislike running in the heat.  April weather is soooo much better.  I don't understand their reason to change the date of the marathon by three months.

It sounds like a lot of people are upset about this change and a lot of runners are choosing not to participate after all.  The heat might be something I can tackle in the future, but for my first marathon, it is a hurdle I would like to avoid.  I was just really looking forward to celebrating my 1 year of a healthier life by running in my hometown.

So...Now I have to figure out a new game plan.  I have a couple of options:

1. Find a different marathon to run in the spring.

2. Wait until Fall 2014 for my first marathon and do a 1/2 marathon in the spring instead.

I've been looking for spring marathons in Oregon, but there aren't many scheduled yet.  I'm hoping more will pop up soon in the Eugene area since the main one has been moved.  If I wait until Fall 2014, I could do either Portland or the Columbia Gorge.  The Columbia Gorge Marathon looks beautiful and I really want to do that one, but it is in October and I know I will be busy with school.  However, if that is the route I choose to take, I will definitely make my marathon training a top priority.

Changes

I have noticed a lot of changes in myself since beginning this journey.  I don't see a lot of physical changes yet, but I know I will eventually.  However, I feel stronger, both physically and mentally.  I feel like I am creating a new me, or rather a new part of me, that I can be proud of.  I look forward to running, which is not something I've been able to say in the past.  I welcome the challenges it brings and I no longer make excuses.  My mind still tries to convince me to skip a run or to quit early, but I don't listen anymore.  Occasionally, my mind will convince me to make poor food choices, but those are becoming fewer.  I keep telling myself that I'm not the same girl I was before.  I am strong.  I can make healthy decisions.  I need to push myself.  My life is fantastic, but I want more out of it.  Running is opening new doors and making me a better me.  It is exciting and a new adventure!

Cheers!
Ashley

 

I'm Back and With a New Challenge...Hills!

Ok...so I've been gone for a while, but now I'm back!  My motivation has been lacking lately, but I'm refocusing and getting back on track.

Nick and I spent 10 days on a road trip at the end of June/early July.  I only got 2 runs in, but also several hikes and walks, so I stayed active.  The heat and altitude were a challenge for me.  My first run was along the Animas River in Durango, Colorado.  It was about 75 degrees and I was at 6,500 feet.  That's quite a big difference from my 60-65 degree (max) at sea level runs I'm used to.  I did well.  I only ran 12 seconds slower than my run from home a week earlier.  Not bad considering the conditions.  My second run was in Utah at about 6:30 am.  I got up and ran immediately.  It. Was. Awful!  My legs felt like lead and I felt like I couldn't move.  It did, however, reaffirm that I need time in the morning to wake up.  I am not a runner who can get up and go.  I need at least an hour to wake up and get moving.

We've been home for a week, but I didn't run.  We spent three days moving and I haven't had the energy to do anything else.  I've also had a lack of motivation.  I preferred to lie on the couch and watch TV.  I'm not sure why, running just felt like too much effort and I wanted to be lazy.  Our new place is surrounded by hills.  I know that pretty much anywhere I run, I will be doing hills...which I don't like.  The only route that lets me do flat would require me to run down a large hill, run through downtown, and run back up the large hill.  Every other route has rolling hills, at least.  Yikes!

I was feeling lazy this evening, but I told myself I wanted to run (even though I didn't really).  I actually really wanted to stay home and watch The Office.  Between episodes, I ran into our room and quickly changed into my running clothes.  I told myself that I could watch one more episode, but the thing that surprised me was that I was eagerly anticipating the end of the episode so that I could go run.  I almost stopped the episode early.  I decided to start with a short run and it went pretty well.  The run felt great and my knee was doing pretty well.  The hardest part was finishing my run by going uphill.  It was a constant and relatively steep hill.  Ugh!  The whole time up, I was repeating one word to myself: "Strong."  This wasn't a word I picked out ahead of time, it just came to me in the moment.  I kept thinking of how strong I will be if I constantly run hills...something I have always avoided like the plague.  A lot of runners struggle with hills.  I'm telling myself that I'm lucky to have hills to practice on.  A couple of months ago, I was looking for upcoming races.  I kept getting discouraged by runs with hills.  I told myself I couldn't do them.  But, I can.  I just need to train for them.  The Prefontaine Memorial run is in September and goes right by my house.  It is a 10k (6.2 miles) and the course has some doosie hills.  However, I will be running these hills a lot and, now that I've accepted that, hills don't seem so scary anymore.  I'm ready to tackle this new challenge; I can't avoid them forever.

Cheers!
Ashley

This is how I now feel about hills:

Attitude is Everything

It's been a while since I've posted, so here's an update.  Life is busy, as always.  I've been running, but have backed off on my intensity.  My knee is doing well and I have been working hard to strengthen it, but I think that my injury was due to overuse and pushing myself too far, too fast.  I still have plenty of time to be ready for my marathon next spring.  I also realized that even if I'm not ready by next spring, I can pick a different marathon if I need to.  I know things happen and who knows what life will throw at me.  The important thing is that I'm not going to give up or stop running.  I'm going to go at my own pace and see what happens.  I've been too focused on comparing myself to others.  I keep thinking that I'm too slow or I'm not running far enough, but I am finally realizing that it doesn't matter.  The most important part is that I'm DOING something to change my life.  I'm tired of starting over, so I'm not going to get frustrated and quit.  That has happened too many times before and I'm not going to let it happen again.  I have also added other types of exercise now that I am on vacation.  Nick and I hiked the dunes a few days ago and last night we went swimming.  I enjoy the variation, but I still totally love running.  I have good days and not so good days, just like everyone else, but I'm learning that it is all about attitude.  If I tell myself that I don't want to run and it's going to suck, guess what...it's going to suck.  However, if I tell myself I love running (even if I'm feeling lazy and really don't want to go), then that attitude convinces me to run hard and to enjoy it.  It is amazing what positive thinking can do!

I am facing a new challenge.  We are going on vacation to Utah and Colorado, which means HOT weather and altitude. For those of you who don't know me, I don't really enjoy hot weather.  I love Oregon coast weather.  It rarely hits 70 and there is always a nice breeze (or heavy wind).  I don't want to skip all of my runs while we're on vacation, but I'm anxious about the heat and altitude.  I fear that even early morning runs will be hotter than I prefer.  I guess that it won't kill me, but will only make me stronger.  I'll bring my running belt with water bottles and keep reminding myself that running will be more difficult due to the altitude.  If I need to walk, I'll do that instead.  There is no need to make myself sick.  We will be hanging out with active people, so I'll still get exercise.  It will be quite the adventure, wish me luck!

Cheers,
Ashley

Stalling Optimism

For the first time since beginning this journey, I felt like I can't do this...

I ran Color Me Rad yesterday with my sister and had a blast.  But, I also felt pathetic because I have been training for a month and a half.  My sister hasn't gone for a single run in over a year and she ran the whole freaking thing!  I'm very proud of her, but I feel ridiculous personally.  At the top of the second steep hill, I had to stop and walk for about 0.05 of a mile because my knee was bothering me.  I was the one to stop!  She has always been a better runner/athlete than me, but I was hoping I would have some advantage this time.

There was also a discussion among the family about how crazy it is to run a marathon.  About how the human body isn't meant to go that far and pushing the limits isn't the best choice.  I argued that there are many ultra-marathoners out there who run 50-150+ mile races and their training runs include marathons.  That sort of ended the conversation, but I can't help but feel like some of the people I care about don't think that I can or should do this.

I began looking into other races last night.  I'd like to do a 10k in August and a 1/2 marathon in October(ish) before I really dive into my marathon training schedule.  I found some cool ones, but they are spendy and hilly.  After what I perceive as an epic hills fail yesterday (even though I ran up both and only stopped briefly after the second), I am scared of races with hills.  Am I capable of succeeding?  Am I ok with just finishing or do I want to have a good time?  Is it even worth it to try?

The thing is, I want so badly to do this, but what if I can't?  My whole life, I've wanted nothing more than to have a family, but right now, I want to put that dream on hold because if I don't do my marathon now, I'm afraid I will never do it.  But what if I put my family on hold and fail at my marathon?  What was the point in waiting or even trying?  I'm trying to be optimistic and telling myself I can do this, but it's hard and I'm scared.  I feel like I should be farther and making more progress than I am.  I'm frustrated by the slowness.  I know that I've been dealing with a knee injury and I'm taking measures to fix it.

While feeling down and doubting my ability to do this, I realized that sitting on the couch wouldn't help.  So I ran.  I ran until I was crying.  Then I ran until I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe.  So I stopped and cried.  Walked and cried.  And ran a tiny bit more until my knee hurt too bad and the tears stopped.  When I got home I asked my husband if he thought I could actually do this and he said of course.  If he believes in me, then I think I can do this.  I just want to be good at something that average people aren't.  I know that is weird and a bit selfish, but I am tired of always being so average and normal, never standing out, always blending in.  Even now, I am so emotional about this new passion that I have tears in my eyes, afraid that this is just something else I will try for a short period of time, fail at, and give up altogether.  But this time, it feels different, because it is something I still want so much to succeed at.  I don't know if I've ever wanted to succeed at something so badly.  I read an article yesterday in Runner's World and this quote resonated with me: "Failure is not falling down.  Failure is not getting back up."  So I will keep going.  And if I fall, I will get back up.  And I will never know my limits if I don't push them.  And "sometimes you just do things."  And I'm just going to run and see what happens.

-Ashley