Ok...I'm Done...I'm Officially Vegan

Ok, so last spring I intended to go vegan when I began running, but it didn't really happen like I had hoped.  I cut out most of the animals products I was eating, but still consumed them when I ate out.  I didn't buy products containing animal products, but if my husband did, I often ate them.  I've been struggling morally because I "wanted" to be vegan, but I made a lot of excuses to eat dairy and eggs.

I began reading Eat Like You Care by Gary Francione and realized that I don't really have a legitimate excuse to consume animal products.  I really want to be vegan and I'm going to stop standing in my own way.  I love animals and they don't deserve to suffer because it is convenient for me to eat products that come from them.  I have know about how terrible the egg industry is, but I didn't realize "cage-free" doesn't mean squat.  They are not happy or healthy chickens and the male babies are thrown into grinders alive because they will never be able to lay eggs and no one wants the males.  THERE IS NO WAY I WILL SUPPORT THIS PRACTICE.

The dairy industry is just as bad.  The cows are forcefully impregnated and then the babies are taken away immediately and put into tiny crates.  Many of them stay in the crates for 6ish months before becoming veal.  Also, the dairy cows end up in the slaughterhouses too, as soon as their productivity decreases after about 4-5 years (they can live to 25+ years).  This information was new to me.  I AM DONE!  I cannot be a part of this appalling culture anymore!  These animals don't deserve to be tortured and murdered!

We do not need animal products to be healthy.  Research is showing that people who consume a plant-based vegan diet are actually healthier than those who eat animal products.  There are also many famous and successful athletes who are vegan, including Scott Jurek (perhaps the best ultra-marathon runner of all time) and Brendan Brazier (successful triathlete).  The astounding careers of these men, and many others, is proof that we don't need animal products to be healthy.  Here is a link to other famous vegans: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_vegans

I realize that being vegan will take extra effort on my part.  The small community I live in is very focused on animal products (lots of hunters...ugh!).  It is almost impossible for me to find vegan food at restaurants, but, luckily, my favorite sushi place has vegan sushi.  We also have a couple of small natural food stores.  This means I will have to cook more and plan ahead.  I won't be able to pick up dinner on the way home very easily.  But, my mind is starting to think that way on its own.  I love muffins, but can't find vegan ones here, so I made my own this evening.  I have also discovered some delicious vegan cheese sauces that I can use on nachos, burritos, enchiladas, potatoes, etc.  I also just purchased a cookbook that is dedicated to vegan pizzas!  Yes, it takes a little more effort to be vegan (in my community, at least), but it is so worth it.  If you live in a bigger city, there are usually tons of vegan options at restaurants (at least on the West Coast), you just have to look for them.  Vegan food has come a long way and it doesn't have to be bland and gross.  There are some amazing cookbooks out there, if you just take a look.  I am not a great chef nor do I really enjoy cooking, however,  I am choosing to be a compassionate and loving human being who values ALL living things.  Ahimsa, do no harm.

Cheers,

Ashley

P.S.  Let me know if you want references for cookbooks or other information about becoming vegan.

1/2 Marathon and a Change of Pace

Half-Marathon Reflection

Well, I finished my first half-marathon two days ago.  The first 7.5ish miles were fantastic, but by mile 10 my legs were tired and I just wanted to stop.  I didn't.  I kept going, though I did walk some.  I was a little disappointed with the walk breaks, but then I realized that I've only been running for about 6 months.  So, I'm very happy with the progress I've made in such a short amount of time.  During the race, I kept thinking how running 10Ks (6.2 miles) is enough.  I told myself 5Ks and 10Ks would make up future races, but now, two days later, I find myself looking for another half-marathon for late spring...?  I guess I see it as having room to grow.  I know that I can increase my 5K and 10K race paces, but the distance isn't much of a challenge anymore.  The half was definitely an all-around challenge, but I have a lot of room to grow.  I can both increase my pace and decrease or eliminate my walking breaks.  I want to be badass and to continue to challenge myself, so I'm going to try again!  :)

A Change in Goals

Ok, so I don't want to run a marathon anymore...at least not right now.  I originally set the goal as a way to stay motivated and to help myself meet other goals.  However, in training for my half, I have met many of the goals already.  So far, I have:

1. developed a love of running
2. developed good exercise habits
3. lost some weight (still working on this one)
4. started to feel like an athlete again
5. gotten stronger

I am still working on these goals and will continue to race and challenge myself.  I have decided that 2 to 2 1/2 hour weekend training runs are enough.  Also, I don't feel like I'm in good enough shape yet to put myself through marathon training and I definitely don't want to get injured.  I get sore by about 10 miles and feel that if I push myself too much farther injury is inevitable.  Plus, virtually everyone I know who has run a marathon has ended up in a boot and on crutches due to stress fractures.  So, I feel like I can accomplish my goals by sticking to the distances I am running now.  Again, I'm not saying that I'll never run a marathon, but right now, I don't feel like I really have the extra time or desire to commit to it.  I have caught the racing bug and have already scheduled a virtual 5K in December, a 10K in January, and a 5K obstacle course in May.  I am still looking for a late spring half (April or May) and will probably add some more 5K and 10K races in the late winter/early spring.  I'm addicted to collecting race bibs, medals, and t-shirts.  I am also displaying my bibs and medals in my classroom in an attempt to set a good example for my students.  This journey has been an amazing one so far and I am learning so much about myself.  My main goal is to be a lifetime runner...until I am no longer able to run.

Cheers!

Ashley

Running Away From Colds and Excuses

Well, I'm one month into the school year and, overall, things are going pretty well.  I haven't been running as much as I'd like because the germy little 5th graders gave me a cold...sigh...however, I rocked my 10k last Saturday WITH a cold.  It is the first time I've raced a 10k and it was a challenging and hilly course.  I managed to pull off 1:14:18!  I was planning on averaging a 12:30ish pace and came in under 12.  I am so thrilled!  I even took a couple of short walking breaks up some of the hills and it is still my fastest 10k time yet (at least, during this round of being active).  Until last weekend, I didn't understand how someone could run/walk at about the same pace someone else runs, however, now I see that it can work if you take short walking breaks.  It gives your body a chance to rest and let's you run faster when you do run.  There were a few people who kept pace with me for most of the race even though they walked more than I did.  This will be valuable knowledge for my longer races.

I was very close to skipping the race altogether.  My head was trying to tell me to give in to my cold and to curl up on the couch all day.  But, I decided that I wanted to earn my race shirt.  I decided that it would feel weird to wear it without actually participating in the race, like I cheated or something.  I finally convinced myself to go.  I told myself that since I only lived 1 block off of the course a little over mile 1 (and just before mile 5, as it was out and back), I could always drop out if I felt too sick.  However, I felt so much better once I began running that I just kept going.  I did end up getting sicker and missing work on Monday, but it was so worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat!  I knew that if I let my head talk me out of my third ever race, I would set and evil precedent and probably try to convince myself to skip future, more important races, which would ultimately lead me to give up on running altogether.

I tried to run a couple of days ago.  I felt fantastic!  I was energetic and light on my feet, BUT...my lungs wouldn't let me fly for more than a few minutes.  Once I started coughing, I couldn't stop.  This is the stage where my exercise routine usually ceases to exist.  I get sick and have to take a week or two off.  I fear that exercising too soon will make me sicker and it is really difficult to take a sick day when you're a teacher.  During this time off, I lose fitness and then get frustrated when I can't run as far or as fast as I could before.  Wednesday's run attempt was me defying this habit.  I'm determined not to let this setback stop me this time.  I am so tired of giving up and having to start over.  I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP!  I will try again tomorrow and see how my run goes.  I'm supposed to do another 6-miler this weekend, but I know that won't happen and that's ok.  I'm hoping for 2 miles tomorrow and 3 on Sunday.  Hopefully, next week I'll be able to work back up to my regularly scheduled long run.  But if I can't, that's ok too, just as long as I don't quit.  NOT THIS TIME!

I've realized that I love being a runner!  I finally feel like I am becoming the person I've always wanted to be.  Tonight, I registered for my first Half-Marathon!  I will be running in my hometown, on very familiar paths, the weekend before Thanksgiving.  I'm so excited!  The general plan is to cut back my mileage for a few weeks after that and then dive into my marathon training schedule in mid-December.  I don't have my actual marathon picked out yet, though.  I'm waiting for one to get approved to begin registration.  I also have a couple of backups if this one doesn't go through.  The general idea is to run my full marathon in late April or early May.  For me, this is the perfect time of the year.  I love cool, cloudy weather and that is usually what we have here in Oregon during that time frame.  I'm not a warm weather kind of gal in any situation.  I can tolerate it to some extent, but I do not enjoy it.  :)  Plus, I recently became a Swirlgear Ambassador and I have some cute long sleeve shirts/jackets on the way.  I'm so excited to have some nice quality running clothes for this rainy Oregon weather.  Click on the badge below to learn about this company.  I'll let you know what I think of the clothes when they get here.  I'm just so excited that, of all of the running pages out there, they happened to find my little one and liked it enough to include me in their group.

This girl is ecstatic that the rain is finally here!  I've been feeling all dried out for months.  We are supposed to get a storm this weekend, but I plan to fit my runs in anyway.  Running in the rain makes this pluviophile one happy girl.

Cheers for now, Run Lovers!
Ashley

Back to Work

Ok, so my summer has ended and I'm back to work.  Last week was Inservice and the kids come back tomorrow.  I have always had a difficult time maintaining an exercise routine when my schedule changes.  In college, I was thrown off every term or whenever I got a new job, my work schedule changed, or I got sick.  Work and school always came first.  This year, I'm determined to keep up my running schedule.  It will be my main priority once the kids leave my classroom.  I honestly believe I can do it this time for many reasons:

1. I'm still very focused on running a spring marathon.
2. I have a running schedule set to take me through to my first 1/2 marathon at the end of November.
3. I'm so tired of quitting and having to start over.
4. I'm finally noticing changes, both physically and mentally, and I like them and don't want to lose them.
5. My district is trying to improve employee wellness and health, so exercising is encouraged.
6. I'm looking forward to running in the rain again! (I'm a true Oregonian!)
7. I'm learning how to flex my running schedule to fit into my life schedule.
8. I love the person I am becoming.
9. I feel like I have a purpose.
10. I WANT to keep running!

So that's an even 10 reasons.  There are probably more, but the point is that I'm going to do what I can to keep my momentum going.  I do worry about getting sick and missing runs, but hopefully nothing too bad will develop and I'll be able to keep running.  I've been running for about 5 months now.  I think this is the longest stretch of continuous exercise I've maintained since college.  August has been my best month so far!  Last spring, I discovered that it worked well for me to run at 4 in the town in which I work.  That gives me time for a snack when the kids leave and then I can drive home when I'm done and be able to worry about home stuff when I get there.  My running bag went with me all last week and will remain in my car so that I can run whenever I have time.  The biggest challenge this year is that my husband now works at my school, so he'll have to wait for me to finish running before we can go home and no one will be home earlier to let the dogs outside.  I don't think it'll be too big of an issue, though.  He's also started running again with our big dog, so we may come home in time to run with the dogs.  We'll see.

I took this little monster running with me yesterday.

 This is Steve.  He used to run with me years ago, but lately I haven't been taking him.  He pulls and that worried me since I had knee issues earlier this year.  Also, I constantly seem to run into loose dogs.  Most of them are friendly, but my little Stevie is overly protective of me and has been known to try to pick fights with other dogs.  I worry about his aggression causing an unsafe situation.  I read about some spray citronella (or something) stuff that will deter dogs.  I may look into purchasing some of that.  I know Stevie needs more exercise and he gets very sad when my husband takes our big dog running with him, so I think it is worth it to take him with me.  He could also stand to lose a couple of pounds.  

Yesterday, Stevie did very well.  I am so happy with him!  Since it was my short run (3 miles.  It's strange that that seems like a short run now!), I decided he'd be able to make it that far without too much trouble.  He calmed down a lot about halfway through.  We had to pause a couple of times at the park so he could cool down by swimming in the pond.  I'm going to try to take him with me a few times a week.  Hopefully, when I hit my really long runs, my husband and both dogs will be able to come with me.  I will feel safer that way.

Another important milestone of this week is that I hit 5 miles for my long run!  Yay!  The great thing is that it wasn't that hard.  I didn't worry too much about my pace and just focused on running slow and steady.  I don't want to say it was easy because that would mean I wasn't going fast enough, but I still had energy at the end.  Everything I've read says to take the long runs slowly to avoid injury, so that's what I'm doing.  I'm feeling very optimistic about my running goals.  It's going to be a great year!

Cheers!
Ashley

Oh God, What Am I Doing?!

I just finished watching Spirit of the Marathon, and I can't help thinking, "What the hell am I doing?!"  It just hit me all of a sudden: 26.2 MILES!!!  That is 4/10 of a mile FARTHER than my commute to work.  Holy cow!  It seems so unreachable right now and I'm feeling immensely overwhelmed.  The movie actually brought me to tears.  I think it is because I really want to do this, but I'm feeling like I can't.  I feel that I am not dedicated or strong enough.  I want, so badly, to do something incredible, something that most people can't do.  I want to be different.  I know that if I can run a marathon, I can do anything, but now I'm starting to have doubts.  This is the first time I've really been doubting myself.  I know I'm in this alone.  I don't have friends to run with.  Our small town doesn't really have any running clubs and the few people I know who run are a lot faster than I am and not crazy enough to run a marathon.  Can I really run 20 mile training runs by myself?

I'm still not giving up despite these overwhelming feelings.  I'm not going to think about the overall distance.  I'm going to take it one mile and one run at a time.  Sure, I'm not ready to run 26.2 miles yet, but I'm still working up to 5.  It will take time.  I have time.  I'm tired of giving up on things.  I'm not going to quit.  I'm going to stop thinking about how far a marathon actually is and how long it will take me to run it.  Rather, I'm going to remind myself of how much I love running, how it makes me feel about myself, and how it has changed me in the last few months since I started.  I'm going to banish the negative thoughts and focus on where I am and where I want to be.  "Marathon" is a lot less scary than "26.2 miles," so I'm not going to think about the miles.

-Ashley

The Show Must Go On: Vacation and Disappointment

Vacation

So, life has been a bit chaotic these last couple of months.  June brought the end of the school year and we quickly followed that with a 10 day road trip to see some friends and family.  I got two runs in while on that trip, along with many walks and hikes.  I had hoped to run more, but the heat made that extremely difficult.  Living on the coast, I am definitely not used to weather above 70 degrees.  The 90+ degree weather in Utah and Colorado was unbearable, at times.  Once we returned home, we packed like crazy and moved.  I didn't run at all that week...ugh...I was feeling very unmotivated and so I gave myself a break.  At the end of July, we spent another 11 days away from home with family.  I did much better on this trip.  I completed every run that I scheduled!  I didn't let myself see these runs as being optional.  I didn't give myself a choice.  This made it easier for me to get up early and run.  I'm so proud of myself!   Usually, I use vacation as an excuse to sleep in and be lazy, but not this time.

Disappointment

Last week, I got some disappointing news...the 2014 Eugene Marathon has been scheduled for July 27th.  Ugh!  I'm really not happy about this!  I was looking forward to running my first marathon in the city in which I spent most of my life.  I know the terrain.  I am comfortable in the environment.  Most of my friends and family live there and would be able to come support me.  There are so many great reasons to run the Eugene Marathon, however, I am not going to be running my first marathon in July for several other reasons:

1. It starts at 6 am.  The idea is that the average temp in July at 6 am is 52ish degrees.  While this may be ideal running weather, by 9 am, it could easily be 80 degrees or more.  I'm sure it'll take me 4 1/2 hours or so to finish and there is too much potential for it to be super hot by the end of the race.  It will already take everything out of me to finish, I don't want to add heat on top of everything else.

2.  I need at least 2 hours for my body to wake up in the morning before I can run.  This would put me at a 4 am wake up, which is ridiculous when I probably won't sleep well the night before and will be running 26.2 miles.

3. My training will be more intense at the end of the school year.  Any teacher will tell you that the first two months and the last two months of the school year are the busiest and most stressful.  I would rather have my marathon finished by the time I hit intensive state testing and end of the year stuff.

4. The heat!  Ugh!  I will be training on the coast, where it rarely hits 70 degrees...EVER... I will be ill prepared to run in 80 or 90+ degree weather.  65 degrees on a sunny day feels hot for me.  I know the Willamette Valley in July.  It. Gets. Hot!  I dislike running in the heat.  April weather is soooo much better.  I don't understand their reason to change the date of the marathon by three months.

It sounds like a lot of people are upset about this change and a lot of runners are choosing not to participate after all.  The heat might be something I can tackle in the future, but for my first marathon, it is a hurdle I would like to avoid.  I was just really looking forward to celebrating my 1 year of a healthier life by running in my hometown.

So...Now I have to figure out a new game plan.  I have a couple of options:

1. Find a different marathon to run in the spring.

2. Wait until Fall 2014 for my first marathon and do a 1/2 marathon in the spring instead.

I've been looking for spring marathons in Oregon, but there aren't many scheduled yet.  I'm hoping more will pop up soon in the Eugene area since the main one has been moved.  If I wait until Fall 2014, I could do either Portland or the Columbia Gorge.  The Columbia Gorge Marathon looks beautiful and I really want to do that one, but it is in October and I know I will be busy with school.  However, if that is the route I choose to take, I will definitely make my marathon training a top priority.

Changes

I have noticed a lot of changes in myself since beginning this journey.  I don't see a lot of physical changes yet, but I know I will eventually.  However, I feel stronger, both physically and mentally.  I feel like I am creating a new me, or rather a new part of me, that I can be proud of.  I look forward to running, which is not something I've been able to say in the past.  I welcome the challenges it brings and I no longer make excuses.  My mind still tries to convince me to skip a run or to quit early, but I don't listen anymore.  Occasionally, my mind will convince me to make poor food choices, but those are becoming fewer.  I keep telling myself that I'm not the same girl I was before.  I am strong.  I can make healthy decisions.  I need to push myself.  My life is fantastic, but I want more out of it.  Running is opening new doors and making me a better me.  It is exciting and a new adventure!

Cheers!
Ashley

 

I'm Back and With a New Challenge...Hills!

Ok...so I've been gone for a while, but now I'm back!  My motivation has been lacking lately, but I'm refocusing and getting back on track.

Nick and I spent 10 days on a road trip at the end of June/early July.  I only got 2 runs in, but also several hikes and walks, so I stayed active.  The heat and altitude were a challenge for me.  My first run was along the Animas River in Durango, Colorado.  It was about 75 degrees and I was at 6,500 feet.  That's quite a big difference from my 60-65 degree (max) at sea level runs I'm used to.  I did well.  I only ran 12 seconds slower than my run from home a week earlier.  Not bad considering the conditions.  My second run was in Utah at about 6:30 am.  I got up and ran immediately.  It. Was. Awful!  My legs felt like lead and I felt like I couldn't move.  It did, however, reaffirm that I need time in the morning to wake up.  I am not a runner who can get up and go.  I need at least an hour to wake up and get moving.

We've been home for a week, but I didn't run.  We spent three days moving and I haven't had the energy to do anything else.  I've also had a lack of motivation.  I preferred to lie on the couch and watch TV.  I'm not sure why, running just felt like too much effort and I wanted to be lazy.  Our new place is surrounded by hills.  I know that pretty much anywhere I run, I will be doing hills...which I don't like.  The only route that lets me do flat would require me to run down a large hill, run through downtown, and run back up the large hill.  Every other route has rolling hills, at least.  Yikes!

I was feeling lazy this evening, but I told myself I wanted to run (even though I didn't really).  I actually really wanted to stay home and watch The Office.  Between episodes, I ran into our room and quickly changed into my running clothes.  I told myself that I could watch one more episode, but the thing that surprised me was that I was eagerly anticipating the end of the episode so that I could go run.  I almost stopped the episode early.  I decided to start with a short run and it went pretty well.  The run felt great and my knee was doing pretty well.  The hardest part was finishing my run by going uphill.  It was a constant and relatively steep hill.  Ugh!  The whole time up, I was repeating one word to myself: "Strong."  This wasn't a word I picked out ahead of time, it just came to me in the moment.  I kept thinking of how strong I will be if I constantly run hills...something I have always avoided like the plague.  A lot of runners struggle with hills.  I'm telling myself that I'm lucky to have hills to practice on.  A couple of months ago, I was looking for upcoming races.  I kept getting discouraged by runs with hills.  I told myself I couldn't do them.  But, I can.  I just need to train for them.  The Prefontaine Memorial run is in September and goes right by my house.  It is a 10k (6.2 miles) and the course has some doosie hills.  However, I will be running these hills a lot and, now that I've accepted that, hills don't seem so scary anymore.  I'm ready to tackle this new challenge; I can't avoid them forever.

Cheers!
Ashley

This is how I now feel about hills:

Attitude is Everything

It's been a while since I've posted, so here's an update.  Life is busy, as always.  I've been running, but have backed off on my intensity.  My knee is doing well and I have been working hard to strengthen it, but I think that my injury was due to overuse and pushing myself too far, too fast.  I still have plenty of time to be ready for my marathon next spring.  I also realized that even if I'm not ready by next spring, I can pick a different marathon if I need to.  I know things happen and who knows what life will throw at me.  The important thing is that I'm not going to give up or stop running.  I'm going to go at my own pace and see what happens.  I've been too focused on comparing myself to others.  I keep thinking that I'm too slow or I'm not running far enough, but I am finally realizing that it doesn't matter.  The most important part is that I'm DOING something to change my life.  I'm tired of starting over, so I'm not going to get frustrated and quit.  That has happened too many times before and I'm not going to let it happen again.  I have also added other types of exercise now that I am on vacation.  Nick and I hiked the dunes a few days ago and last night we went swimming.  I enjoy the variation, but I still totally love running.  I have good days and not so good days, just like everyone else, but I'm learning that it is all about attitude.  If I tell myself that I don't want to run and it's going to suck, guess what...it's going to suck.  However, if I tell myself I love running (even if I'm feeling lazy and really don't want to go), then that attitude convinces me to run hard and to enjoy it.  It is amazing what positive thinking can do!

I am facing a new challenge.  We are going on vacation to Utah and Colorado, which means HOT weather and altitude. For those of you who don't know me, I don't really enjoy hot weather.  I love Oregon coast weather.  It rarely hits 70 and there is always a nice breeze (or heavy wind).  I don't want to skip all of my runs while we're on vacation, but I'm anxious about the heat and altitude.  I fear that even early morning runs will be hotter than I prefer.  I guess that it won't kill me, but will only make me stronger.  I'll bring my running belt with water bottles and keep reminding myself that running will be more difficult due to the altitude.  If I need to walk, I'll do that instead.  There is no need to make myself sick.  We will be hanging out with active people, so I'll still get exercise.  It will be quite the adventure, wish me luck!

Cheers,
Ashley

Stalling Optimism

For the first time since beginning this journey, I felt like I can't do this...

I ran Color Me Rad yesterday with my sister and had a blast.  But, I also felt pathetic because I have been training for a month and a half.  My sister hasn't gone for a single run in over a year and she ran the whole freaking thing!  I'm very proud of her, but I feel ridiculous personally.  At the top of the second steep hill, I had to stop and walk for about 0.05 of a mile because my knee was bothering me.  I was the one to stop!  She has always been a better runner/athlete than me, but I was hoping I would have some advantage this time.

There was also a discussion among the family about how crazy it is to run a marathon.  About how the human body isn't meant to go that far and pushing the limits isn't the best choice.  I argued that there are many ultra-marathoners out there who run 50-150+ mile races and their training runs include marathons.  That sort of ended the conversation, but I can't help but feel like some of the people I care about don't think that I can or should do this.

I began looking into other races last night.  I'd like to do a 10k in August and a 1/2 marathon in October(ish) before I really dive into my marathon training schedule.  I found some cool ones, but they are spendy and hilly.  After what I perceive as an epic hills fail yesterday (even though I ran up both and only stopped briefly after the second), I am scared of races with hills.  Am I capable of succeeding?  Am I ok with just finishing or do I want to have a good time?  Is it even worth it to try?

The thing is, I want so badly to do this, but what if I can't?  My whole life, I've wanted nothing more than to have a family, but right now, I want to put that dream on hold because if I don't do my marathon now, I'm afraid I will never do it.  But what if I put my family on hold and fail at my marathon?  What was the point in waiting or even trying?  I'm trying to be optimistic and telling myself I can do this, but it's hard and I'm scared.  I feel like I should be farther and making more progress than I am.  I'm frustrated by the slowness.  I know that I've been dealing with a knee injury and I'm taking measures to fix it.

While feeling down and doubting my ability to do this, I realized that sitting on the couch wouldn't help.  So I ran.  I ran until I was crying.  Then I ran until I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe.  So I stopped and cried.  Walked and cried.  And ran a tiny bit more until my knee hurt too bad and the tears stopped.  When I got home I asked my husband if he thought I could actually do this and he said of course.  If he believes in me, then I think I can do this.  I just want to be good at something that average people aren't.  I know that is weird and a bit selfish, but I am tired of always being so average and normal, never standing out, always blending in.  Even now, I am so emotional about this new passion that I have tears in my eyes, afraid that this is just something else I will try for a short period of time, fail at, and give up altogether.  But this time, it feels different, because it is something I still want so much to succeed at.  I don't know if I've ever wanted to succeed at something so badly.  I read an article yesterday in Runner's World and this quote resonated with me: "Failure is not falling down.  Failure is not getting back up."  So I will keep going.  And if I fall, I will get back up.  And I will never know my limits if I don't push them.  And "sometimes you just do things."  And I'm just going to run and see what happens.

-Ashley

New Discoveries...Good and Not So Good...

As I've said before, my marathon training is teaching me a lot about myself and being an athlete.  This post will be discussing some new discoveries I have made about both injury and nutrition.

Injury:
As I mentioned briefly in a previous post, my knee has been hurting.  Through research, I have concluded that my IT band is stressed and probably inflamed.  This band runs from the outside of the pelvis, across the hip, and down to your knee.  It is a common injury and seems to be easily treated.  Since I have never had IT band problems before, I believe that the cause is my main running route.  The road I run on along the ocean is very slanted on the edge for water runoff.  I avoid running on the shoulder because it is gravel and my feet hurt when I run on gravel due to my minimalist shoes.  So, I run on the slanted part of the road which tilts my pelvis unnaturally and stresses my IT band.  The simple solution is not to run this way anymore.  It saddens me because it is a beautiful route that I love, but it isn't worth the injury.  I found some minimalist shoes at Ross that have more sole than my tosies.  I may run in these on this route once a week because the sole will allow me to run on the gravel.  So, what do I do about my existing soreness?  I bought a foam roller yesterday and after using it just a few times, much of my pain is gone.  While using the roller is painful in and of itself, it really did help my leg feel better.  I am also doing one-legged squats to help strengthen my leg muscles.  If I continue to have problems, I will look into getting new shoes, but I anticipate that these small changes will help the problem.

Food Sensitivities:
I've been vegan for about a month now and it has been going well.  I occasionally allow myself something with dairy in it and I have found that that helps to eliminate cravings for it.  It isn't completely off-limits, so I don't feel like I have to binge on dairy, but I actually consume a miniscule amount.  However, since becoming vegan, I have noticed that I have had more digestive problems than I did before.  I have been thinking for a while that I may have some mild lactose intolerance, but it didn't make sense for it to get worse when I stopped eating dairy.  I have read that other common sensitivities include gluten, corn, and soy.  I have also had a slight suspicion that I may have some sensitivity to soy.  I decided to do a little experiment today.  I decided not to eat any soy and I felt great.  This evening, I ate a chocolate bar (white chocolate, not vegan) and began to feel yucky.  When I looked at the ingredients (after I ate it), I discovered that it contained soy.  I had forgotten to check the label before I bought it.  It could have been the dairy in it that made me feel bad, but again, I don't eat dairy every day, but have been having digestive issues nearly every day.  My soy intake, however, has increased since becoming vegan again.  I will continue to go soy-free for a few days and see how I feel.  Even if I do have a soy sensitivity, I won't go back to eating dairy and I won't eat meat.  There are plenty of other protein sources out there.  I will just have to be more diligent about my nutritional sources and eat very little processed food (it seems like soy is in EVERYTHING).  Overall, these are probably better health decisions anyway.  I am glad that I have some clue as to what is going on with my body.  I just want to feel better and not knowing what was causing it was frustrating.  It is possible that it isn't soy, but it is at least somewhere to start.

I took a couple of days off to let my knee/IT band rest.  I will start up my runs again tomorrow.  My sister and I are running Color Me Rad on Saturday and I am so excited!  This will be my second race/fun run ever.  The last one was 3 years ago.  I'm thrilled to have a fun running event to look forward to.  I will be sure to post pictures after the run!

Cheers!
Ashley

The Meltdown

Well, I had a meltdown yesterday morning.  Work stress caught up with me and I haven't been eating quite as well this last week or two.  I was having one of those mornings where I felt fat and gross and I couldn't find anything to wear that would hide my little belly.  I ended up crying and begging my husband not to make me go to work.  After a minute, I got up, found something to wear (my husband earns points for telling me how cute I looked), and went to work.

I was frustrated because I've been working out for two months (marathon training for 1 1/2 months) and I don't feel like I'm making much progress weight wise.  However, I have to keep reminding myself of several things:

1. My goal isn't to lose weight fast.  While that would be nice, I'm looking for a sustainable lifestyle change.  While I'm trying to eat well, I'm definitely not counting calories.  That is not something I can maintain.  I know that slow, but consistent progress will make it easier for me to maintain throughout my life and keep the weight off.  In college, I lost 20 pounds over the course of a year.  While many consider that slow progress, I was able to remain the same weight for 7 years without regular exercise or counting calories.

2. I put on muscle very quickly.  I know that I am gaining muscle faster than I am losing fat.  This causes me to remain about the same size (or maybe even get bigger temporarily), but eventually things will turn around and I will lose the fat and turn to muscle.  Again, this has happened before, so I have no reason to believe that it will not happen again.

3. I am losing fat, but maybe not in the places I'd like.  I've noticed that my face seems thinner, as does my rib cage.  While I'd like to lose weight in my legs and tummy, those are the first places I put weight on.  I've always heard that the first places you gain weight are the last places you lose it.  So I'll have to keep working hard if I want my tummy and legs to shrink.

4. I'd rather be strong than skinny!  I have always wanted to be bad ass and strong.  I am lucky and thankful that I can build muscle quickly and easily.  I don't want to be thin and frail and I've accepted that I have to work hard to be strong, so that is what I will do.

I'm not going to let myself get discouraged.  I will keep going and try to stay positive.  I cheered myself up yesterday by buying a new book, a new running outfit, and two chocolate salted caramels.  I'm trying not to let myself eat emotionally because that is what causes me to gain weight, but I figure a couple of gourmet chocolates was better than a bag of chips or a piece of cheesecake.

I went running in the rain this evening and feel great!  I'm still motivated and excited about improving life.  This weekend, I will be researching half-marathons for this fall.  It will be a good motivating event, as well as helping to keep me on track for my marathon in the spring.

Cheers!
Ashley

A Change in Attitude

Well, a funny thing has happened since I began this journey a month ago...I LOVE RUNNING!  I never thought I would say that.  Honestly, running has always been a means to an end, never for pleasure.  It was always a way to stay in shape, whether it was for other sports or just to lose some weight.  I honestly never ran for pleasure, nor did I ever believe I would.

Since setting my marathon goal, my attitude toward running has completely changed.  I enjoy it!  I no longer dread my runs (well, rarely) nor do I count the seconds until I'm done.  I also find that I am making fewer excuses and looking forward to running.  I am enjoying the scenery and the fresh air, and just being outside.  I'm also exploring new places and plan to start trail running soon.

It is amazing what setting a reachable and exciting goal can do to your motivation.  I feel like I am already transforming into a newer and better version of myself.  My confidence and self-esteem are higher and I feel healthier.  I've always envied those who love running and are considered runners.  I've always wanted to be one of those people, but I never thought that would be me.  I am rapidly altering that view of myself and turning in to the kind of person I have always wanted to be.  I'm only a month into my training and I'm feeling amazing.  I can't wait to see what the next 11 months have in store for me!

Cheers!
Ashley

Guilt and Repentance

Sorry I'm a little late on this post, I had a busy weekend.  I want to fill you in on the strange workings of my mind.  I can't figure out why I'm this way, but recognizing it will hopefully help me change. 

Last Thursday, I was supposed to go running.  I knew I wouldn't have time this weekend and I really needed to get a workout in on Thursday.  I couldn't run from work because a co-worker needed a ride home and couldn't stay.  I'm learning that if I come home after work, I have a difficult time getting back out for my run.  It seems to work best if I go right after work.  

Anyway, back to Thursday.  I came home and, of course, was tired.  Nick had a headache, so we walked to the corner market to get him a soda (the caffeine helps).  I was really craving salt and vinegar chips, so I bought a smallish bag.  I say smallish because it was the smallest they had, but it really had a couple of servings (I wish the came in smaller bags).  When I bought them, I knew it wasn't a great idea.  It would be difficult to run with those chips in my belly.  As I sat on the couch eating them, I told myself I needed to stop or I wouldn't be able to run because my tummy wouldn't be happy.  At the same time, in the back of my mind, I also told myself that if I continued to eat them, I wouldn't feel good enough to run and could therefore be lazy and skip the run.  Unfortunately, I gave in to the latter voice and skipped my run.  I felt terribly guilty about it, but once my tummy hurt there wasn't much else to motivate me to run.

On Friday, I continued to feel horribly guilty for skipping my run.  I was trying to figure out if I could run after work, but knew I wouldn't have time because we were set to leave town for the weekend.  I decided that I had to run that day, so I ran on my lunch break.  I've never done this before.  I didn't want to finish my work day sweaty and potentially smelly.  However, I decided that I didn't have a choice.  So I ran.  

It was a beautiful day and I ran hard, knowing it would only be a short 3 mile run.  Recently, I've been running at an average of 11:30ish min/mile pace.  Friday, I averaged a 10:36 min/mile pace.  I always start slow and end hard.  My last mile I ran at approximately a 10 min/mile pace, while my last 1/4 mile I ran at a sub 9 pace.  I'm told that tempo runs are a special kind of run that need to be incorporated into your training schedule where you get faster as you run.  I always run like this.  I suppose that after years of having coaches telling me to finish strong, it became ingrained in me.  I guess most people don't naturally run this way.  I'm glad I do.  It gives me one last thing to think about.

I'm proud of myself for making up my run at lunch on Friday, but not proud of convincing myself to engage in unhealthy habits the night before because I felt like being lazy.  I am already growing from this experience and learning a lot about myself.  I hope that these revelations will continue to help me grow and develop a  healthier life.

Cheers!

Ashley

Word of the Day: Perseverance

Oh, geez...today was the day I was dreading.  I went for a run on this beautiful, sunny day, but after almost two weeks off, today's run was less than satisfactory.  During the past two weeks I kept up with my daily morning strength training, but didn't have the energy for much cardio.  I was also fighting a cough, and if you haven't tried, running with a cough isn't easy.  Today's run was slow and laborious.  I felt sluggish and had to walk a couple of times.  Honestly, I felt pathetic.

As history has shown me, this is the exact situation that usually causes me to give up on running.  I get frustrated because I feel like just a little bit of time off set me way back.  The good thing about this arising pattern is that I have identified it.  I knew that this was a likely scenario before I even set out today.  This time, it's not going to beat me.  I'm not going to give in to the frustration.  I'm not going to give up.  Life throws us set backs once in a while.  I am going to use my stubbornness against myself and not allow myself to quit.  My only option right now is to persevere.  So, I will keep going.

Cheers!
Ashley

Temporarily Sidelined, But Back on Track

Well, I've gotten a bit off track with my training.  The past two weeks have been a bust.  I've been fighting a cold, had a sore knee, had a ton of homework to do for a class I was taking, report cards, grading, lesson planning, etc.  I KNOW...EXCUSES!  Blah!  The unique thing about this situation is that this time, I didn't lose my motivation.  I really WANTED to run!  I ran a few times when my cough subsided, but there were several nights when I was feeling so yucky that I went to bed at 8:30.  It was still light out!

As of yesterday, my class is finally done (not the one I teach, but the one I was taking for credits), so that is a huge stress relief.  Plus, there is only one month until summer vacation!  Woohoo!  I'm getting my training schedule back on track this week.  I have time to do some fun reading (books about athletes and running), rather than textbooks, which is helping to amp up my motivation even more.  The challenge I am facing is that we have some family visits coming up and my long runs usually happen on Sundays, which may be travel days.  I will have to work out a way to get my training in while I'm out of town.  This has always been tricky for me because I want to spend as much time with family as possible.  Also, I'm slightly intimidated by running in unfamiliar territory.  I love to get lost on my runs, but I also like to have a general idea of where I am so that I can get home again.  I suppose my gps can help solve that problem...

I guess it is normal to get off track from time to time.  I've let set backs like this break routines in the past, but that isn't going to happen.  Strength, endurance, determination...I'm going to do this!

Cheers,
Ashley

P.S. I know this isn't my best post, but I missed blogging and didn't have a lot of new information to share.

The Diet...Dun, Dun, Duuunnnnn...

Diet?  Gasp!  I hate dieting.  I can never maintain one.  As soon as I cut something out, I crave it to no end.  That isn't the kind of diet I'm talking about here.  This isn't going to be a temporary "until I lose weight" kind of diet.  I'm making a life change.  I've been vegetarian for most of my life, but I have decided to go vegan again.  I've made this decision for several reasons:  1. The dairy industry is atrocious, 2. I think I may have a bit of lactose intolerance, and 3. When I was previously vegan and running, I felt the healthiest I ever have.  

I was vegan for a year and a half.  I quit when I hit a stint of depression that lasted a couple of years and cheese quickly became a comfort food for me.  I've been wanting to go vegan again, but I just couldn't figure out how to give myself that final push.  I've been cutting back on dairy for months, but once I decided to run the marathon, I gave up dairy immediately.  When I was eating vegan with a lot of raw foods, I felt healthier than ever.  I had more energy.  I could run faster and farther.  I was happier and my tummy didn't hurt as much.  Since I'm going to be working hard for this marathon, I've decided that I want to do everything I can to set myself up for success.  I've been reading some books about vegan super-athletes and I know that it is possible to be a healthy vegan athlete.  The books are listed in the bar on the right side of my blog, if you are interested in them.

How am I going to do this?  I don't really like to cook and I am one of those people who wants to eat as soon as I get hungry.  I don't want to figure out what to cook, prepare it, and then cook.  That is too much waiting and I will always reach for a processed quick meal instead.  My solution is to carefully plan out my diet.  I am shopping and cooking on weekends.  I'm making enough to get through the week, so that I can eat healthy all week long.  I eat salads everyday for lunch, but have started adding quinoa and tofu to my veggies.  This gives me more protein and helps me get through the school day easier.  It also gives me more energy to exercise after working all day.  I've also been making some sort of protein-rich "meat substitute."  Last week I made vegan sausage patties that I ate like burgers.  I discovered that I don't miss sausage and won't make them again.  This week I made vegan meatloaf.  It is yummy and hearty and Nick even likes it.  I'm also keeping lots of fresh fruits and veggies around the house.  My new favorite breakfast includes a small glass of juice with chia seeds and two pieces of whole wheat toast with almond butter and either apples or bananas on top.  Super yummy!  I realize that to be 100% vegan, 100% of the time, I pretty much have to give up eating out.  In Coos County, it is difficult to find vegetarian meals, let alone vegan ones.  I've decided that it's ok for me to have a bit of dairy or eggs if we go out to eat, but I'm limiting that option to once a week.  I don't think it'll even be that often.  I will also eat eggs if I get them from friends who have spoiled chickens.  I would like to have my own chickens someday, but until then, I'm going to avoid eggs.  

I've been vegan again for a week and I'm happy with my choice.  I get excited to cook and try new recipes.  I am having fun shopping at natural food stores and trying new kinds of food.  I feel healthier, even when I eat unhealthy things like dark chocolate.  I don't know if I can attribute it to my diet, but today was my farthest run and I took about a week off because I wasn't feeling well.  I ran 4 miles and included some short, but steep hills. Usually, after taking 5 days off, I struggle to run the same distance I left off at (about 3 miles in this case).  Today I was able to do 4 and had the energy to go farther, but my knee was getting sore and I didn't want to over do it.  

Anyway, that is my diet plan...for life, not a quick fix.  I won't preach veganism to you, but if you are interested, I am more than happy to talk to you about it or recommend cookbooks.  :)  

CHALLENGE:

My challenge to you is to change one thing about your diet to make it healthier.  It can be anything.  Maybe you eat a salad for lunch every day or give up sugar or meat one day a week.  Maybe you give up diet soda (the aspartame is REALLY bad for you) or limit your fast food intake to once a week.  Please feel free to share how you are making your life healthier through a small diet change.

Cheers!

Ashley

Goals and Motivation

Goals:

First of all, it's always a good idea to set goals.  While I've always hated the idea of setting yearly and regular goals, I'm starting to understand the purpose...motivation.  I have always thought of myself as a determined person, but I feel like that hasn't really been a very big part of my life since I graduated from college.  Once my grades were removed from the equation and I had a job, I didn't really see the point.  However, I am setting a goal to set more goals.  :)  So here they are (in terms of running):

1. Finish the 2014 Eugene Marathon.  I have no desire to win or any pace I hope to reach.  I just want to finish it without walking.

2. On marathon #2, I want to run it faster than my first marathon.

3. Run 1-2 marathons a year, thus becoming a marathon runner!

*Now, I know that goals 2 and 3 may change after I complete my first marathon, but that is one good thing about goals; it's ok to change/modify/update them.

Motivation:

Since setting my goals, I have noticed that I am not scared by the daunting task of running 26.2 miles.  In fact, I'm super excited!  I actually want to run now.  I look forward to my runs and that is something I've never experienced before.  Even if I'm not feeling 100%, I'm still excited to get outside and move.  I also feel like I'm more accepting of my limits.  Running used to be all or nothing for me.  Either I pushed myself hard and was upset if I didn't improve or I didn't go.  If I felt that I wouldn't improve on my previous run, I just wouldn't go.  Conditions had to be perfect.  But now that I have a difficult, but reachable running goal, I feel inspired.  This is something I didn't expect.  Take today, for example.  I have to do report cards this week and I still have a ton of grading to do.  I knew that I needed to work late to get some of my grading done, but I decided to go for a run after the kids left.  I knew that this would make me be away from home longer, but I was just so excited to run.  The start of my run was a normal warm up.  Then I made it here:

I really can't imagine a more beautiful place to run.  There wasn't a cloud in the sky.  After running along the cliffs, I made it down to this beach:

On the beach, I felt a pure joy I've never felt while running before.  I felt like I was free, like I was flying.  Part of this feeling was because it was a beautiful day.  The other part was probably due to the fact that there was a 20+ mph wind behind me, pushing me across the beach.

 I jumped narrow creeks and ran through the wider ones.  I even took a moment to dip my feet into the ocean.  I ran until I started getting tired.  Then, I turned around and realized that I now had to run INTO the 20+ mph winds.  I didn't feel quite so free.  In fact, I actually had to walk a bit on my way back to school.  But that is ok!  I can walk some if I need to. The important thing is that I'm out there doing something.  I was truly happy on a run for the first time ever!  I am really excited about this new chapter in my life and actually looking forward to running 26.2 miles.  Bring it on!

Cheers,
Ashley

Imagine that these are toe shoes...

Getting Started and an Introduction to Me

As a child, I was always an athlete.  I played any and every sport I could since kindergarten.  As I grew, I would cut a sport here or there and by the time I reached high school, I only played volleyball.  I was always good at sports, though never the best on the team, I was also never the worst.  Many people referred to me as "consistent."  I didn't stand out to spectators or people on the other teams.  No one knew my name, but my team always knew they could depend on me, not matter what.  After high school, my focus turned away from sports.  I knew I wasn't good enough to play on a college team, at least not a large university, and I didn't want the stress that went along with being a college athlete.  My focus turned completely to my studies, my job, and my social life.  I stopped exercising regularly and started eating meat after being a vegetarian for 7+ years. I gained weight.  After a year or two, I started eating a bit better and exercising more regularly and took off most of the weight I had put on, but another life change into the world of student teaching, put me into a spiral and I lost my exercise routine again.

My adult life seems to have had consistent patterns for the last 10 years.  I go through spurts of eating well and exercising regularly, but then something changes or I get bored and I lose track of my routine. Once I'm out of my routine, I find it difficult to get back into a rhythm.  I am no longer considered an athlete, by any means, and consider myself to only be an occasional exerciser.  I seem to exercise when I feel great or it is convenient, but I don't push myself enough to establish a routine.  I am 5 feet 5 inches tall and approximately 10 pounds overweight, according to the Body Mass Index. I recently tried Weight Watchers, with some success, but have always hated dieting and scales.  I am the kind of person who always weighs more than people think I do because I put on muscle quickly when I exercise.  The numbers on a scale are misleading and don't indicate a level of fitness or health.  So, I quit the dieting because I decided the number wasn't important.  The most important things are how healthy I feel and how I feel about my body. 

About three weeks ago, I was in the Mega REI in Seattle when I stumbled upon a book called Fit By Nature by John Colver.  I was intrigued because it was a 12-week program focusing on outdoor workouts (of any kind) and it emphasized only doing what your body felt like it could do.  If you need to walk or take a break, that is ok.  It also included strength training in the form of cross-training workouts, which I liked very much.  I know that strength training is important for building and toning muscles, but there are so many exercises out there that I didn't know which ones were the best to incorporate for quick workouts.  This books has helped with that tremendously.

On April 14th, after completing two full weeks of Fit by Nature, I started to think about my goals.  I have always thought it would be cool to run a marathon.  Not many people can say they've run 26.2 miles and a small part of me wanted to be able to say I've done that.  I started looking into fun races after the Color Me Rad run happened in Eugene.  I thought having some fun events might keep me motivated and prevent me from giving up.  A few years ago, a friend and I were training for a half-marathon, but after coming down with a cough and taking two weeks off, I was frustrated that after being able to run 10 miles, I was then struggling to do 3, so I gave up.  I don't want to keep repeating that cycle.  I've always wanted to be a runner, but I've never thought of myself that way.  On April 14th, while reflecting on my goals, I signed up for a 5K Color Me Rad run in Portland and started thinking more seriously about running a marathon.  The next day, bombs went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  That pretty much did it for me.  I want to run a marathon.  I want to run it for the people who can't.  I am young and I can be strong again if I work hard for it and I can run a marathon.

I have always felt that I can do whatever I put my mind to, however, I don't put that into practice very often. At least, I always felt that way in terms of studying and career opportunities.  I guess, as an adult, I didn't really think that was the case for exercise.  I've considered running marathons before, but it was always short-lived, as I would then tell myself that it was crazy and I'm not a runner and I would only fail.  For me, failure is the worst possible outcome and I feel that my fear of it has prevented me from doing a lot of things.  I was raised to believe that hardwork prevents failure and leads to success, but I don't believe that is always the case.  Even now, as I've been seriously contemplating running a marathon for a week, I haven't voiced the idea because if I fail, people are going to know that I failed.  But maybe that is the reason I've always failed in the past.  Maybe voicing it to many people is a way to keep me motivated, knowing that people are watching me in anticipation.  And what if I do fail?  Then I do and I keep going.  I was thinking about all of the excuses I've come up with as an adult and how they were non-existent when I was a kid.  When I was on sports teams, if my throat hurt, I practiced anyway.  If I rolled my ankle, I tapped it up and kept going.  If my muscles hurt, I pushed through and iced when I got home.  Now, I feel like the littlest things will keep me home on the couch and I make excuses for everything.  I'm tired of it!  I'm tired of feeling heavy and sluggish.  I'm tired of envying athletes.  I'm tired of feeling lazy.  And most of all: I'M TIRED OF EXCUSES!

Consider this my official announcement that I will be running in the Eugene Marathon in 2014!  Even now, I am questioning whether or not  I can actually accomplish this massive goal.  I am deeply afraid of failing and of everyone thinking of me as a failure.  But the only way I can conquer this fear is to face it head on and to try my best.  If something happens and I don't make it, then I will tape up my injured soul and try again.  I've always wanted to be a runner and the time has come for me to do it.  No more excuses!  I am reading books about vegan super-athletes and how they perform better on a vegan diet and I am heading back in that direction too.  I plan to use this blog to document my journey from the occasional runner to a marathon runner.  I hope that it will keep me motivated, while motivating others to be more active as well.  Stay tuned to learn about the ups and downs that I will inevitably face over this next year's worth of training.  I am relying on your support to help get me through this.

Cheers!

Ashley